Is it… New Year again?

     Hey, past, present and future Friends and Colleagues!

    The season of miracles slowly comes to its end as dead bloggers try to come back to life.

Kara no Kyoukai Winter

      Well, that’s basically the gist of it.

    At this point I’m probably as far from anime as I have been only before finding it (Autumn 2014 if I’m not mistaken). Sounds quite sad, doesn’t it? Even if I can say I most likely can survive without anime, I miss all the excitement it brought me. I guess it’s true that love lasts for about 3 years (personal experience confirms that) and afterwards it becomes a conscious choice to go on or not. I think I’d rather go on, even if by the tiniest of steps.

     Why am I writing now? Why bother returning to anime? I think I need writing itself as a means to better understand myself. It’s one thing to have a thought and another to be able to formulate and put in on paper (or, technically, desktop). This platform is the best I have done (at least in terms of consistency and effort), also anime still seems like a medium that can offer all sorts of experiences, even for someone who might have been burned out a bit.

     Thus, I guess the blog will be a little re-purposed. Of course, anime (and its cousins) will feature prominently in my writings, but even if stuff that’s completely unrelated to it but still important to me finds a way to be expressed on paper, I don’t see why shouldn’t publish it. Also, previously I tried to write more about anime itself and do it from the most objective viewpoint I could. Now bits and pieces of myself will probably find more and more space to live here. Objectivity, even if it doesn’t really exist is all good and fine, but that also usually comes with a total lack of personality. And that lack I hope to reverse, even if by a bit.

***

     Speaking about myself, it has been quite an eventful year, even if my last year’s anime goals and wishes for 2019 were left unrealized. So, for self-serving reasons of keeping a record, there’s stuff that left some impression on me last year.

Aldael, actually

Me, actually. And that was one colorful sunset.

     Truly, when I think about 2019, it‘s a year that consistently brought more new things to my life than any other year for probably a decade or even longer. Most of experiences in one way or another seem to be connected to various aspects of self-discovery. I still don‘t think I‘m any better than an idiot in certain aspects, but I think I can be confident that I‘m at least less of an idiot than I has been before, so that‘s something.

     I’m too self-conscious about many things but driving a car is one of the worst. I guess it’s more or less natural since I got my license not that long ago and previously in my family nobody knew how to drive, somehow. Being overcautious bag of sweat would probably have been a pretty good description of me. Thus, it was quite a satisfying achievement for me when in autumn I undertook (successfully) over 1000 kilometers trip by car. Yeah, I wasn’t alone, and I drove about half of the distance myself but for someone who manically checks every centimeter of Google StreetView before any journey, driving in another country and managing to do it safely and successfully seemed quite impressive and confidence-boosting.

Birch and some lupins

Lushness of summer

     In summer I took my first plane flight ever to participate in an event in Madrid. I easily get bus-sickness (or car-sickness, whatever it’s called) but unexpectedly flying wasn’t that bad. Of course, cheap flights and long-legged people as myself don’t easily mix, but oh well, it was ok. When you travel by other means, it’s not hard to “feel” the distance covered. Especially if you manage to fall asleep during a flight, it seems like a dream to blink and suddenly awake half a continent away. That was weird. But a week Madrid was great. But believe it or not, even with all the summer heat, I managed to get a cold. Thanks, air conditioning.

     In Uni that I’m in in spring I got to oversee some laboratory exercises for students. Looking back, it probably wasn’t something I should’ve invested as much time in as I did but what can a pedantic completionist like me do but prepare for everything and anything and still stress over all the stuff? Well, I guess the experience was more or less successful (for me as well as the students) and this spring, when I’m doing it again, everything should go way smoother. Hopefully. Moving up a bit in the Academy was also a thing. I guess my career for the nearest future is more or less decided.

Stuff

Stuff I sometimes have to deal with. Yeah…

     Nothing serious, but I just thought that another change for me is that I semi-consciously (meaning it sort of happened) decided to grow out my hair a bit. I guess my previous record for long hair has been about 5 cm or so.  Now it has been a whole year without a trim. Slightly curly hair means that I pretty much always look like I have a bed hair. First world problems, I guess…

     So, even with means of entertainment quite limited, I managed to make some time for bits and pieces of it, even if it usually wasn’t anime. Well, there was some, though it mainly involved rewatching some classics like Ghost in the Shell or stuff of Satoshi Kon. Speaking about non-anime video entertainment, I seem to take a liking to sci-fi. Battlestar Galactica (reimagined) series was a blast (most of time) so if anyone wants a recommendation for a longer show – here you have it. The ending was pretty unsatisfactory (all questions answered with “Hey, it’s because of God, naturally”), but other than that it’s a human drama at its best. Continuing about sci-fi, one friend persuaded me into reading (technically, listening, since it was an audio-book) Hyperion by Dan Simmons. Not everything (rather, very little) makes sense (so far) but worldbuilding has taken my breath away. Some Terry Pratchett books also found a way in my immediate reading list. Should be fun. Will be fun. On an unrelated note, I also finished Jared Diamond‘s Guns, Germs and Steel. Damn insightful. The style could be far more concise but for anyone who‘s even mildly interested into human history and especially a question why did Eurasia became dominant culturally it‘s a treasure of a book. There have been other stuff that left quite an impression on me but if everything goes on well, I might write about it in more detail later on.

     Still, probably the most important experience for me last year was a series of conversations with one friend. Everything started quite randomly but eventually I ended thinking about myself quite a lot. Well, it’s not that I don’t have opinions about stuff and don’t question my choices but as I said earlier about writing itself – it’s one thing to have some thought and a vastly different experience to have to formulate and communicate it. And when you formulate a feeling, usually many side questions arise – why? to what extent? is it always? how about…? and so on. Questions like what are the boundaries of personality and how far you can go from your comfort zone to still remain “you” can’t be answered by two or three words, if they can be answered in the first place. Getting to understand your flaws better from a person you have pretty much utmost confidence in and trying to unearth why there are such flaws in the first place (and what to do with them (and if they are really flaws (and so on))) has been, well, a very healthy endeavor. I guess I’m extremely lucky to have such a friend. As an interesting byproduct, the conversations lead me to binge-reading (for a second time) all of Osamu Dazai that I could find. All I can say about it is that he was a very unfortunate man, but also a literary genius. Go read it.

Maples

Best photo of the year hands down

     So yeah, that has been my life so far. Don’t know what the future brings, but I‘m sure I want to write something. What – we’ll see.

     So, dear Bloggers, please have a fruitful  New Year, never lack an inspiration and keep typing! See you!

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