Dear Diary 2

”Irozuku Hitomi Tsukishiro

Dear Diary,

     today ended the most colorful adventure of my whole life. Everything still seems so bright in my memories, even if most of them are black and white on the outside. I need to engrave into my very soul every single moment spent together with my dear friends, it’s the most previous thing I have.

     How do I feel now? I’m sad. I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help feeling sad. So sad that even if I cried all the tears in the world, it wouldn’t help me the tiniest bit. It’s sad that everything ended. I already miss everyone. I know that there probably is some way to interact with them via magic, but it’s probably hard, so hard that even Kohaku might have trouble to do that as much as I’d like.

     And I’m scared. Our timelines aren’t too far apart, and as Kohaku is my grandma, all my friends are also old now. I do want to know about them as they’re now, but I’m afraid to do so. They’re so much older than me that there’s no way that they’ll live more than 20 or 30 years longer. If they’re alive now, that is. Accidents do happen, cancer still isn’t cured. I would be devastated to learn that someone with whom I talked mere moments ago is no longer there. Of course that isn’t given, but what if? I can’t imagine anyone of them being old, let alone dying, but it’s serious. Maybe it’s best to ask Kohaku never to let me contact them as they’re now? Maybe it’s best to contact them from 60 years ago, and only then? I’ll need to have a talk with Kohaku, and it’ll be hard, very hard.

     Well, it’s hard now, knowing that everything ended. I want to cry my lungs out. I don’t want to believe that it’s over.

     At least I have Kohaku to confide in. It’s weird to think that she is the same person as my grandma. Yes, she’s still the same, with all her cheerfulness and impulsiveness, but I’ll need a lot of time to get used to that. Yes, she’s still the same – no other person would’ve sent me back in time without a single warning word. At the time I was pretty angry about that – if I haven’t met my friends at that time, I have no idea what could’ve happened to me, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have been pretty. In the first place, I don’t know much about time magic, but it’s scary even to think about what could’ve happened if Kohaku’s magic had been faulty. I think Kohaku probably had caused a huge time paradox even if everything ran smoothly. Well, it’s something I don’t understand myself, but it seems like everything’s alright now. She’s a truly great mage. And a person.

     Thanks to her magic, I think I became a better person. I hope. It will be hard to readjust my life and missing old friends won’t be all. I’ve learned to be more open. I mustn’t forget that. For the sake of my friends I have to keep doing my best, to become friendlier with my current classmates, to find some camera in some antique shop and to continue taking photos as best as I can. Magic has taken from me much, but also given at least an equal amount. If Kohaku says I’m capable, I should try to improve myself at that.  Well, I have been given much, now it’s my time to give, to give everyone everything I have and could have.  I want to live a life they would approve.

     And I’m grateful. In the end every single second spent in the past was invaluable. I’m grateful for everything that happened – for the sweet memories and the painful ones, for the sense of friendship and mutual understanding without a single word, for all the colors I didn’t even know existed.

     Thank you, Sho-senpai, the Dog. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more for you. I know you’ll be able to move on (you already have, I think). You’re a strong person, a leader among us. The only thing you need to do is look around yourself and understand what you’re seeing. And once you understood, to embrace these new feelings. I know you can find them, and will.

     Thank you, Kurumi-senpai, the Flying Squirrel. You mustn’t feel that you’re worse than your sister. You aren’t in any way. Even if photography is only a hobby for you, you have a spark that brings color to everyone around you. I’m sure that you’ll find something that you love to do, and there’ll always be people around that you’ll love and be loved by.

     Thank you, Chigusa-kun, the Cat. I probably know least about you, but I’m still grateful that I could know you. You and Kurumi-senpai make such a lovely outgoing duo. I wish you to remain the same and never to lose your smile, as you told myself.

     Thank you, Asagi-chan, the Rabbit! The moments with you were the most precious. I would never have hoped to find such a dear and kind soul to converse with. Thank you for listening to me and opening you own heart, I couldn’t wish for a more precious gift. I wish you to make thousands of postcards with rabbits – no one can do that job better than you. Asagi-chan, may you learn more confidence and pursue you dreams, I know that you’ll be ready, and you’ll succeed!

     Thank you, Kohaku, the Parrot. I know that I can see you in just a moment, but you’re not wholly Kohaku of my memories, are you? I know that you’ll become the greatest mage of all time. I can only admire your fiery heart and burning desire to make this world a better, a happier place.

     Yuito-kun… I… I have no words… You know your place in my heart. It’s the most precious memory of mine, and one I know I’ll keep forever. I don’t know how everything will go on from now. I don’t know where are you now or what are you doing. But know that you always have a place in my heart, and always will. I don’t know why it was you who brought the colors back to my eyes. I don’t know what exactly made us the birds of a feather. I miss you. I miss your own colors, all of them. I miss the opportunities that were not meant to be… Fare… well…

     …

     I must not cry…

     …

     I…

     …it’s all… gone…

     …

     But the colors remain.

     Thank you, everyone, for the colors. I can see them clear and crisp, in every corner of this world…

     …

     I will remember everything, all of it, whatever the price!

     Hitomi

 

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5 Comments

  1. “But the colors remain.”

    Awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  1. Musings and Reflections – end of Fall 2018 | Aldael's Attic

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